RYS 200, 300, 500 in Rishikesh
I don't know who I am. After the creation of the pancha pranas I descended into my mother's womb as nothingness, just a mere seed of potential.
The years that followed, as my body and mind developed I accumulated emotions, prejudices, fears, concepts from my surrounding; copied and pasted the opinions of my surrounding unto my own self... creating a personality, something to call me in this physical existence. Something to cling to, to identify with and unconsciously be imprisoned by. Isn't it funny, how joyfully we create our own prison? How proud we are and how we polish the prison walls to shine? I've noticed that the whole purpose of western feel good-spirituality is to strengthen the ego rather than dissolving it, which is indeed unfortunate. You're merely switching one prison for another, one identification for another but it doesn't change anything except making you feel tremendously good about yourself.
The irony of the spiritual path is that most seekers enter it with the question: "Who am I?" and end up with the realisation that one is nothing. And yet that nothingness is everything; omnipresent, eternal... The more I seek the less I find and the less I find the vaster it gets. Because who can contain nothingness? How many gallons of oil is needed to run a galaxy? It's a divine riddle.
Up until about a year ago I was still curious about people; interested in their emotions, opinions, beliefs, cultures... But that curiosity has vanished completely. I have come to realize that 99% of people's thoughts and emotions are complete rubbish, to be honest! I'm not saying this with any arrogance, but merely as an observation... Statistically it is probably more likely to come a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow than a person who has somehow escaped the mandatory indoctrination by the society. Hence it appears simply idiotic to bother going through someone else's trash-bin of a mind, when you already have your hands full of your own issues and mental garbage...
European, American, Asian, African, Australian...the same nonsense is going on in everyone's mind, and the same emotions are tagging along like shadows to the thoughts. But everyone is so deeply identified with their own nonsensical stuff that they insist on treating it as some kind of unique phenomenon. Love. Loss. Fear. Grief. Joy. Ecstasy. Desire. Faith. Doubt. Hate. Hope. Same old story, same old record spinning, nothing new under the sun...
Once you gather the courage to look your own mortality in the eyes, the clock starts ticking. Suddenly, you're in a great hurry. There's really no time to lose if you want to use the physical life experience as a means for self-realization. Then you must stop everything nonsensical and focus on that and those who can take you across. Immediately!
When you meet someone (if you are aware) you know straight away if that person can somehow transform you or not... Immediately your whole being responds to that person with interest, curiousity or fear... isn't it so? If you disregard the stupidities of the mind, then your energy will speak to you loud and clear. You will experience a sudden freshness. Someone once told me in anger: "Since the day I met you, I have been in great fear - absolutely terrified...!" and I thought that was a beautiful compliment expressed in a rather rude way.
Two things are important to remember: 1) Never mind the crowd... soar high like a falcon and pick your meetings meticulously, seek out those who challenge and change you not the ones who comfort you and pamper your ego.
2) Spend time wisely because we are dying, our time in physical reality is limited. If in doubt, ask yourself if the action you're performing is taking you closer to liberation or closer to bondage... if it doesn't take you closer to liberation, keep soaring!