RYS 200, 300, 500 in Rishikesh
The need for control is such a mindless, and for some people an effortless, force in everyday life. I am in my mid-twenties and I am just now truly embracing, or wanting to embrace more, the feeling of total free fall in every aspect of my life. I understand this is easier said than done, and it takes ones entire lifetime to learn the discipline of acquiescing to your circumstances. And even at the end of our journey called life, we may not have learned to fully let go but we open more doors and opportunities for self-growth and self-discovery by making the effort. What a gift.
I ask myself, "How did I come to adopt this willingness to free fall with my circumstances?" That's just it - circumstances in life led me to a place of total hopelessness. From a wide range of personal family discord and pain, to financial difficulties, to the dismantling of an intimate relationship, I was left groundless. This was my first encounter with total uncertainty in what ground I should rest upon. Then, I realized I can be restful and at peace with all the uncertainty and the fear that comes along with this struggle.
This is free falling - the peace that comes when you let go of resisting the discomforts. Allowing yourself to feel the very valid feelings and emotions surrounding your circumstances, and most importantly, embracing the fears that always come when "your world" appears to be falling apart. Surrender. Be humble to the process of letting go of your need to re-direct the outcome of your circumstance. I am learning that as I allow things to naturally fall apart, with time, the pieces reassemble and there is the start to a new beginning. And in this process of letting go of the need to control the outcome, my perspective begins to shift and the once agonizing sorrow becomes my joy.
Khalil Gibran says it the best:
"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked...When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
That's it! I rarely stopped to really look at my heart and be present with the pain. My initial reaction was to stay busy and distract myself from the pain. Yes, I would talk about it, cry through it and journal, but I always had my own plan of action to "fix it". I soon learned that the challenge and bravery was to look past the initial shock of pain and discover its dharma and true meaning.
"Don't you realize that the end of one thing means the beginning of another?", I ask myself. From this very perspective comes the birth of excitement and an openness to see within and beyond the present circumstance. Here is where that feeling of hope begins to soothe and relax every muscle of thought as I fall freely into the unknown. Yes, you really can't say what the outcome will be when you are allowing yourself to free fall. Otherwise, you would blindly be steering your ship into your false understanding of what you think you need, and thereby could be closing doors that could lead to further understanding and personal growth. Therefore, let the fear of the unknown and uncertainty be your guide. Fall effortlessly into its darkness.
There, you have it. I conclud I only have control over my reaction to life's circumstances and the perspective that takes form as I allow myself to free fall. If it brings me to despair, I will humble myself and learn from it and be thankful. If it leads me to joy and happiness, I still will humble myself and share my joy with others.
I say all of this to relay the message that some of life's deepest pains are where our most valuable treasures await. Be patient with yourself, and with others. Know that your lack of control in your life and in the lives of others is to benefit you and humanity. What a gift.