RYS 200, 300, 500 in Rishikesh
Nowadays, I have no interest in society. Instead I have interest in life and these two have nothing to do with each other, as I have come to understand the past year. Society is a product of the mind, while life is a manifestation of the soul, but we are hypnotized into believing that the rules of society, the concepts of society have something to do with life. The worship of society is probably the most widespread religion on the planet right now. Most of us are in deep sleep and the time has come for us to awaken...
A past lover taught me to have no concept for my life, no dream and no desire and this was a very necessary rebirth for me. Like any delivery it was messy and painful, draining and demanding... but I would do it ten times all over again, without hesitation. No separation from any lover could've been more painful than the separation from my inherited and cultivated concept of life and I took for granted that life was reflected in society. Awakening to the realization that the Emperor really is butt-naked and that everyone is busy maintaining a concept to the extent that they miss life completely, was nothing less than shocking. I felt as if I was walking through a corridor of mirrors where one after the other shattered as I passed them, leaving sharp pieces of glass on the floor for me to walk on."If I am not what I thought I was...then what am I?" I asked myself. "If life is not what I thought it was... then what is it?".
The problem is that once you have walked that corridor of broken mirrors and arrived at the other end, bleeding and liberated from deep-rooted concepts previously beheld as truths, you cannot return. Once you know you can never go back and here is where the anxiety of separation sets in. Our first chakra basic instinct to belong to a clan, to maintain a feeling of security (no matter how false or fragile) kicks in and a part of us desperately wants to run back to the concepts we have been raised with. We want to bring them back to life, make them true again... but they stare back at us with dead eyes and offer no comfort. So we are left with only two options: we can practice spiritual necrophilia by continue to live with dead beliefs... or we can surrender and embrace life without concepts; accept that the very nature of life is a complex mix of perfect order and complete insecurity.
Society wants definitions, because mind wants definitions. Definition means limit and limits indicate control, which is the favorite occupation of the mind. Just think about the definition of relationships such as husband/wife (legitimate love), girlfriend/boyfriend (half legitimate love), lovers (not at all legitimate love, but often very nice), friend (non-physical love), acquaintance (distant love)... when everything is just one thing: connectivity. I am not getting up on any high horses here, because I used to think like that too. I wanted a clear definition of what I was in, because my mind wanted control, but then I realized that control is a complete illusion and life doesn't care about our definitions; it connects anyway whether it's appropriate or inappropriate!
Whenever we enter a new state of consciousness, a temptation from the past always shows up, as if Shiva himself is asking: "Are you sure that you're ready for this? Is this really what you want? You better be sure, because there's no way back...". Here's an example! A few weeks ago, a man entered my life and has become a good friend. If I had written a wish-list for the looks and characteristics of a future mate (which I mentally had of course...), then this man would be the FedEx-parcel being delivered with best-wishes from the universe. I know this is Shiva asking me if I am ready to turn my back on something I always thought I wanted? Willing to continue into the dark forest of the unknown, surrendering and accepting that nothing of the outside world is in my hands... only the inner mysteries are for me to manage.
My mind doesn't like this at all, because she senses that this is a suicide mission for her. So she screams at me to turn around; go back to that which is known, back to society, back to the illusion of rules and concepts and ignore the insecurity and magnificence of life. But I can't life my life in a cemetery... so I say: "Thanks Shiva, for asking. I appreciate it... But I will keep moving." because life is ever moving, ever changing, ever transcending and you can only be part of this magnificence if you let go of labels, definitions, concepts and society. So in three weeks I leave again; soaring into the unknown, ready for anything, with the present moment as my only companion... am I nervous? Yeah... Do I want it? YES!!